ouch!

Yesterday was an entirely new experience to me which has taught me many valuable lessons. The history of yesterday began last week, when I met with a real estate manager about doing a workshop for his agents (for free, I might add). I am not an experienced presenter, but I am keen to learn and am willing to try anything. I spent 3 days writing the workshop and 2 days practicing in front of friends and mirror to prepare.

Here's what happened:
-the manager didn't notify his staff I was coming = they saw me as an annoyance they had to endure for an entire hour
- a group of women talked amongst themselves while I was presenting = my confidence wavered
- this group also took calls, texts, ringer on, while I was presenting = my confidence sinking, feelings injured
- I was inexperienced, especially with hostility = I didn't have tools to regain control over the situation
- I was ill prepared = me more nervous and lost confidence
- lost confidence = wasn't convincing because I wasn't convinced either
- offering feedback forms = their opportunity to express just how much they hated me and the presentation

For example: What would you like to see less of?
Response: talking, by you
(ouch!)

Example: Any other comments?
Response: You should dress professionally in a suit and pantyhose
(In my defense here, I was wearing a conservative, yet very chic dress and pumps. Who wears pantyhose and how is that relevant to the information I provided???)

And the feedback forms went on, 20 of them, almost all expressing their utterly deep resentment and loathing towards me and the workshop.

I'm going to be totally honest here, I have never been in a room of people that were so unwilling to participate or felt so negatively towards me. The revulsion they expressed was like I was a disfigured pedophile standing before them to judge and point at and was personally responsible for wrecking their life and everything in it.

It was horrible.

However, I shakily made it through the hour without peeing myself, and tried to remain as gracious as possible to thank them for coming (why, I'm not sure now). It was easily the worst experience of my life (at least it felt like it at the time).

So, what did I learn?
1. Participants need to be notified that I am coming
2. Give myself more time to prepare
3. Call out the white elephant in the room and regain control, by asking who even wants to be there, acknowledge that I am a young woman and ask them what result they want at the end of the hour anyways
4. Use more visuals
5. NEVER where pantyhose!
6. Burn mean feedback forms

It took me a lot of courage to present in front of a group, and a very vulnerable and exposed place to put myself in. It also totally blew up in my face, and at the time did not know if I would recover or ever do it again. However what I learned was this: what worked, what didn't and how to improve upon it; that the next one can't possibly be any worse, so the next one will be infinitely better; and how to use feedback forms as kindling. They died in a fire.