be a friend to yourself

Why is it that we forgive so easily other peoples mistakes or blunders yet it is so hard to shake our own? We often worry that we are being judged by others, and that our own mistakes would be unforgivable in other peoples eyes. If we pay enough attention to our internal dialogs we would notice how much we are in our own heads, and that means almost all of us, judging and beating ourselves up for things we have or have not done. So consider this, if all of us are spending so much time in our heads, we really aren't paying much attention to those around us and other peoples imperfections because we are so busy judging our own. In a crazy way it means no one is really judging us but ourselves, and we are always our worst critic. Analyzing what we should, could, and didn't do, yet no one else is really paying attention because they are all too busy abusing themselves too.

So, I invite you to start noticing what is the soundtrack in your head. Pay attention when you start beating yourself up, and ask yourself, if this was your best friend, who could, should or didn't do whatever, would you judge them so harshly? In fact, would you even care? Could you forgive them for this atrocity of being human and making mistakes and love them anyways, imperfections and all? The truth is, if we treated others the way we treated ourselves, we would be alone. Get that? Totally alone.

Be nice to yourself. You are a good person and deserve to be forgiven too. Imperfections and all, welcome to the human race.

Why ask why?

I've been asked that question a lot lately. I don't know if this question is expected to be answered by me or not because the question is rarely a "why" I can answer. However, it got me wondering about why it is so important to ask this question at all about things we may never have the answer to or have control over.

Why ask why? Really, is it that important to know 'why' to move on? Is there really an answer that satisfies us in the end anyways if we are stewing over the 'why' when we are beyond comprehension of what is/has happened? My personal feelings are that circumstances happen, and people sometimes don't have reasons for their behavior, and the only thing we can control in life is our own behavior and subsequently how we choose to respond to those circumstances. As the saying goes "shit happens", so my question isn't "why is this happening?", but "what are you/I going to do about it despite this?" When we get stuck in the 'why' we aren't allowing ourselves to move forward because we are trying to make sense of something that may never make sense to us but is nevertheless still happening. When things feel out of control, find areas that you have control over: yourself and your choices, and doing nothing is a choice too.

Choosing to let go of the 'why', puts you in a place of empowerment and action instead of being stuck in a place of powerlessness. I invite you to find a way to let go of asking why and decide what you are going to do despite it, if anything at all...

Mirrors

Life is a mirror in every possible way. Our belief systems are mirrored by the results in our lives and our personality traits and truths are mirrored by people in our lives. When we notice someone is funny, generous, or insightful it is because we already hold these traits within ourselves. Conversely, when we notice malice, jealousy, cruelty and the dark pieces of others it is because we too own those qualities. We can't recognize what we don't already have which means what we see in others are the things we already have.

Look externally, seek the beauty in others and consciously be aware that you too hold that same beauty and brilliance simply because you can see it. We spend much of our time seeing whats wrong around us and ourselves that it colours our perception of the world. When we direct our attention to the positives in people, and can see it within ourselves, it creates a very different more friendly reality. Anything we direct our attention on we get more of, so practice being conscious of the greatness in others to cultivate greatness within ourselves.

choose...

...to improve each day. Take the time to invest in yourself by improving a little each day. It could be something small, like adding more vegetables to your diet, reading more, taking a class, or being more mindful. Making the effort by setting the intention to improve each day will set the course to create a new habit of thinking around that. So over time, improving a little each day will be a part of your everyday life, without even thinking about it.

Imagine the change you could create for yourself and those around you in 3 months if you did something small each day to improve yourself, your life, and those around you?

Choose...

to be present. Direct attention fully to your tasks, eating, working, cooking, breathing. Absorb your surroundings, see what is around you. Pay attention to the smell of the grass, food cooking, the notice how the keys on your keyboard feel on your fingertips. When with company, give your attention fully to them, hear their words completely before formulating thoughts around what they are saying.

Think of yourself as being the task. If you are running, be running instead of doing running. What would running be, if your mind was right here moment to moment without thinking of the rest of the day? If you are listening, be listening, calm the mind, open your heart as well as your ears. Be here with what or whom you are listening to. If you are working, be working, be focused. Allow work to be fully present, so you can completely release it when work time is over. If you are relaxing, be relaxation, be soft. Notice your breath as it slows and lengthens, nourishing your mind and body as it calms your nervous system creating more relaxation. Let go of yourself doing the task, and be it, which will keep you present and calm.

We often live in the past and the future. We go on autopilot and often wonder how we got from point A to point B, with no recollection of how we got there. How many moments of our lives have been lost to our autopilot, with our thoughts circling in our minds of things that upset us in the past, to do mental lists for later, or stewing over the same things over and over again. When we choose to be right here, right now, we fully experience our life, and those around us. We hear our children tell us about their lives, we smell the fresh cut grass, we let go of resistance because we are present before we judge that something is hard, or that we think something more important requires our attention. More often than not, we choose what we put our attention on without thinking, so how are we to really know what is more important? Not hearing a child express their love because the mind is in the past thinking about a stressful day which is already gone, is an important moment lost and wasted. Choose to be present, which will enable you to live more fully each and every moment.

happiness at work

Are you unhappy at work or struggling to get out of bed to get to work? Check out the link to Happiness at Work for 12 simple ways to bring more happiness to your work and into your life.

daily quote

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

-Max Ehrman
Desiderata