Dance like it hurts, Love like you need money, Work when people are watching.
-unknown
Friday, February 29, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
growing kindness
I've spoken in a previous blog about creating a practice of happiness. We can also create a practice of kindness. We can do this simply by extending ourselves to each other. Say the kind things we think but don't say to each other. How often do we have the opportunity to make someone's day, by a kind word, a tight hug, or a shared laugh? Probably more often than we care to admit. Perhaps we are in a hurry, or worried about how we may be received.
Take the time to be kind. Tell someone they are wonderful, help them pick up something fallen, open doors for others. Do a kind act without telling the recipient. Smile at strangers. Kind behaviors create more kindness for others and ourselves. We may never know the extent of how we can impact other's lives positively.
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
I think Philo has got it right. Each of us have our challenges, so why not support each other by bringing some lightness and sunshine to each other's lives? The beautiful part is that it will come back to us. What can you do today to grow more kindness?
Take the time to be kind. Tell someone they are wonderful, help them pick up something fallen, open doors for others. Do a kind act without telling the recipient. Smile at strangers. Kind behaviors create more kindness for others and ourselves. We may never know the extent of how we can impact other's lives positively.
-Philo
I think Philo has got it right. Each of us have our challenges, so why not support each other by bringing some lightness and sunshine to each other's lives? The beautiful part is that it will come back to us. What can you do today to grow more kindness?
Saturday, February 16, 2008
daily quote
To achieve the impossible; it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought.
-Tom Robbins
-Tom Robbins
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
ouch!
Yesterday was an entirely new experience to me which has taught me many valuable lessons. The history of yesterday began last week, when I met with a real estate manager about doing a workshop for his agents (for free, I might add). I am not an experienced presenter, but I am keen to learn and am willing to try anything. I spent 3 days writing the workshop and 2 days practicing in front of friends and mirror to prepare.
Here's what happened:
-the manager didn't notify his staff I was coming = they saw me as an annoyance they had to endure for an entire hour
- a group of women talked amongst themselves while I was presenting = my confidence wavered
- this group also took calls, texts, ringer on, while I was presenting = my confidence sinking, feelings injured
- I was inexperienced, especially with hostility = I didn't have tools to regain control over the situation
- I was ill prepared = me more nervous and lost confidence
- lost confidence = wasn't convincing because I wasn't convinced either
- offering feedback forms = their opportunity to express just how much they hated me and the presentation
For example: What would you like to see less of?
Response: talking, by you
(ouch!)
Example: Any other comments?
Response: You should dress professionally in a suit and pantyhose
(In my defense here, I was wearing a conservative, yet very chic dress and pumps. Who wears pantyhose and how is that relevant to the information I provided???)
And the feedback forms went on, 20 of them, almost all expressing their utterly deep resentment and loathing towards me and the workshop.
I'm going to be totally honest here, I have never been in a room of people that were so unwilling to participate or felt so negatively towards me. The revulsion they expressed was like I was a disfigured pedophile standing before them to judge and point at and was personally responsible for wrecking their life and everything in it.
It was horrible.
However, I shakily made it through the hour without peeing myself, and tried to remain as gracious as possible to thank them for coming (why, I'm not sure now). It was easily the worst experience of my life (at least it felt like it at the time).
So, what did I learn?
1. Participants need to be notified that I am coming
2. Give myself more time to prepare
3. Call out the white elephant in the room and regain control, by asking who even wants to be there, acknowledge that I am a young woman and ask them what result they want at the end of the hour anyways
4. Use more visuals
5. NEVER where pantyhose!
6. Burn mean feedback forms
It took me a lot of courage to present in front of a group, and a very vulnerable and exposed place to put myself in. It also totally blew up in my face, and at the time did not know if I would recover or ever do it again. However what I learned was this: what worked, what didn't and how to improve upon it; that the next one can't possibly be any worse, so the next one will be infinitely better; and how to use feedback forms as kindling. They died in a fire.
Here's what happened:
-the manager didn't notify his staff I was coming = they saw me as an annoyance they had to endure for an entire hour
- a group of women talked amongst themselves while I was presenting = my confidence wavered
- this group also took calls, texts, ringer on, while I was presenting = my confidence sinking, feelings injured
- I was inexperienced, especially with hostility = I didn't have tools to regain control over the situation
- I was ill prepared = me more nervous and lost confidence
- lost confidence = wasn't convincing because I wasn't convinced either
- offering feedback forms = their opportunity to express just how much they hated me and the presentation
For example: What would you like to see less of?
Response: talking, by you
(ouch!)
Example: Any other comments?
Response: You should dress professionally in a suit and pantyhose
(In my defense here, I was wearing a conservative, yet very chic dress and pumps. Who wears pantyhose and how is that relevant to the information I provided???)
And the feedback forms went on, 20 of them, almost all expressing their utterly deep resentment and loathing towards me and the workshop.
I'm going to be totally honest here, I have never been in a room of people that were so unwilling to participate or felt so negatively towards me. The revulsion they expressed was like I was a disfigured pedophile standing before them to judge and point at and was personally responsible for wrecking their life and everything in it.
It was horrible.
However, I shakily made it through the hour without peeing myself, and tried to remain as gracious as possible to thank them for coming (why, I'm not sure now). It was easily the worst experience of my life (at least it felt like it at the time).
So, what did I learn?
1. Participants need to be notified that I am coming
2. Give myself more time to prepare
3. Call out the white elephant in the room and regain control, by asking who even wants to be there, acknowledge that I am a young woman and ask them what result they want at the end of the hour anyways
4. Use more visuals
5. NEVER where pantyhose!
6. Burn mean feedback forms
It took me a lot of courage to present in front of a group, and a very vulnerable and exposed place to put myself in. It also totally blew up in my face, and at the time did not know if I would recover or ever do it again. However what I learned was this: what worked, what didn't and how to improve upon it; that the next one can't possibly be any worse, so the next one will be infinitely better; and how to use feedback forms as kindling. They died in a fire.
daily quote
Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
-Winston Churchill
Friday, February 8, 2008
reality
How many times have I been told, "that's reality Tina, deal with it," I don't even know. And always it pisses me off. Reality is what I take from it. We all see the world through different eyes. Fifty people could witness the same event and every single one of them would have a slightly coloured view of what happened, because our own history plays a role in what we see and believe to be possible.
If we feel stuck in life, we are stuck, because we are believing it to be true and that gives it power. To be stuck, we need to be doing the same things, the same way to achieve the same result. If we even allow ourselves the possibility that we may be capable of being unstuck one day, that loosens it's grip over us. We could even go so far as to imagine a life outside of being stuck, doing something we love, creating relationships we love, a life filled with love. What it takes to get unstuck, is to take a step. One step, and then one more...
If we feel stuck in life, we are stuck, because we are believing it to be true and that gives it power. To be stuck, we need to be doing the same things, the same way to achieve the same result. If we even allow ourselves the possibility that we may be capable of being unstuck one day, that loosens it's grip over us. We could even go so far as to imagine a life outside of being stuck, doing something we love, creating relationships we love, a life filled with love. What it takes to get unstuck, is to take a step. One step, and then one more...
Thursday, February 7, 2008
daily quote
If you believe in peace, act peacefully; if you believe in love, acting lovingly; if you believe every which way, then act every which way, that's perfectly valid— but don't go out trying to sell your beliefs to the system. You end up contradicting what you profess to believe in, and you set a bum example. If you want to change the world, change yourself.
Still Life With Woodpecker
-Tom Robbins
Still Life With Woodpecker
-Tom Robbins
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
comfort within discomfort
I often invite clients to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Staying comfortable often translates to being stuck. We know the predictability of it, but predictability is monotonous and doesn't offer much else. To really grow and change means doing something different, and that can be scary and uncomfortable. The real test is to be uncomfortable with it and do it anyways.
why wouldn't I?
What is your response to new ideas, activities, or ways of doing something? Many of us have an automatic response of "no, why would I?" I'm curious why that response is. Is it fear of trying something new that it may not meet our needs, loss of control over ourselves or situation, or perhaps we worry about being wrong with what we are already doing/thinking. However, none of the those beliefs are any more real than the power we give them.
My friends often joke with me because my first response is always "why wouldn't I?" followed by, "lets make it happen!" It's automatic for me, it wasn't always, but it is now and my life is richer for it. It has opened the doors for me to meeting new people, having new experiences, and learning how to do things differently if not better than I was before.
Saying "yes" to the unfamiliar takes courage, it's not always comfortable to try something new, or give up control. However, imagine what amazing possibilities lie outside of our own comfort zone. There's nothing new in our own head, what is new, is all outside of it.
As a gentle challenge, I invite you to for just one day say "yes, why wouldn't I!" to everything (that cannot harm you or anyone else), just as an experiment to see what might happen. It may feel uncomfortable, you may not immediately see the use in it, but I am confident that if nothing else, you will learn something new and become more fearless in the future!
My friends often joke with me because my first response is always "why wouldn't I?" followed by, "lets make it happen!" It's automatic for me, it wasn't always, but it is now and my life is richer for it. It has opened the doors for me to meeting new people, having new experiences, and learning how to do things differently if not better than I was before.
Saying "yes" to the unfamiliar takes courage, it's not always comfortable to try something new, or give up control. However, imagine what amazing possibilities lie outside of our own comfort zone. There's nothing new in our own head, what is new, is all outside of it.
As a gentle challenge, I invite you to for just one day say "yes, why wouldn't I!" to everything (that cannot harm you or anyone else), just as an experiment to see what might happen. It may feel uncomfortable, you may not immediately see the use in it, but I am confident that if nothing else, you will learn something new and become more fearless in the future!
daily quote
You see things; and you say, "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?"
-George Bernard Shaw
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
daily quote
The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.
-Michelangelo
Monday, February 4, 2008
musings
So, lately I've been going through a bit of a slump. Starting a business is challenging, and I have been struggling to keep myself motivated to push through the parts of it that I am not loving, but still need to get done. In fact, I kind of, I'm embarrassed to say, just stopped doing the things I didn't like, and then beat myself up over it. I know, both very useful behaviors.
I'm excited to say, I woke up this morning full of vigor and renewed inspiration to complete the tasks I have committed to do but would rather not. I'll tell you what changed and why.
Instead of stressing about the things I didn't want to do (yet not doing them either), I took a good look at why I wanted to do them in the first place and what was I getting out of not doing it. My intention for completing the tasks was to grow my business. So what was I getting out of not doing it? Not failing at growing my business.
How does that work? By working at 50%, instead of at 100% and risking being vulnerable to failure, I could comfortably say that I was trying, but not fully putting forth the effort I need to succeed. I realized that if I kept up with those behaviors, I was going to keep feeling bad about myself, and my business would not grow into vision I want it to be. My business is more important to me than feeling bad, so I have taken steps to modify my behavior and get back on track.
If you are struggling with staying on track with your own goals, I invite you to ask yourself
a) why was it important to you to reach that goal?
b) what are you getting out of not doing it?
c) what are you going to do differently now to set you up for success?
It will offer you some insights to why you have engaged in sabotaging behavior, and give you a renewed sense of commitment to your goals.
To your success!
I'm excited to say, I woke up this morning full of vigor and renewed inspiration to complete the tasks I have committed to do but would rather not. I'll tell you what changed and why.
Instead of stressing about the things I didn't want to do (yet not doing them either), I took a good look at why I wanted to do them in the first place and what was I getting out of not doing it. My intention for completing the tasks was to grow my business. So what was I getting out of not doing it? Not failing at growing my business.
How does that work? By working at 50%, instead of at 100% and risking being vulnerable to failure, I could comfortably say that I was trying, but not fully putting forth the effort I need to succeed. I realized that if I kept up with those behaviors, I was going to keep feeling bad about myself, and my business would not grow into vision I want it to be. My business is more important to me than feeling bad, so I have taken steps to modify my behavior and get back on track.
If you are struggling with staying on track with your own goals, I invite you to ask yourself
a) why was it important to you to reach that goal?
b) what are you getting out of not doing it?
c) what are you going to do differently now to set you up for success?
It will offer you some insights to why you have engaged in sabotaging behavior, and give you a renewed sense of commitment to your goals.
To your success!
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Friday, February 1, 2008
daily quote
Just because everything is different doesn't mean that everything has changed.
-Irene Peter
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