Why is it that we forgive so easily other peoples mistakes or blunders yet it is so hard to shake our own? We often worry that we are being judged by others, and that our own mistakes would be unforgivable in other peoples eyes. If we pay enough attention to our internal dialogs we would notice how much we are in our own heads, and that means almost all of us, judging and beating ourselves up for things we have or have not done. So consider this, if all of us are spending so much time in our heads, we really aren't paying much attention to those around us and other peoples imperfections because we are so busy judging our own. In a crazy way it means no one is really judging us but ourselves, and we are always our worst critic. Analyzing what we should, could, and didn't do, yet no one else is really paying attention because they are all too busy abusing themselves too.
So, I invite you to start noticing what is the soundtrack in your head. Pay attention when you start beating yourself up, and ask yourself, if this was your best friend, who could, should or didn't do whatever, would you judge them so harshly? In fact, would you even care? Could you forgive them for this atrocity of being human and making mistakes and love them anyways, imperfections and all? The truth is, if we treated others the way we treated ourselves, we would be alone. Get that? Totally alone.
Be nice to yourself. You are a good person and deserve to be forgiven too. Imperfections and all, welcome to the human race.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Why ask why?
I've been asked that question a lot lately. I don't know if this question is expected to be answered by me or not because the question is rarely a "why" I can answer. However, it got me wondering about why it is so important to ask this question at all about things we may never have the answer to or have control over.
Why ask why? Really, is it that important to know 'why' to move on? Is there really an answer that satisfies us in the end anyways if we are stewing over the 'why' when we are beyond comprehension of what is/has happened? My personal feelings are that circumstances happen, and people sometimes don't have reasons for their behavior, and the only thing we can control in life is our own behavior and subsequently how we choose to respond to those circumstances. As the saying goes "shit happens", so my question isn't "why is this happening?", but "what are you/I going to do about it despite this?" When we get stuck in the 'why' we aren't allowing ourselves to move forward because we are trying to make sense of something that may never make sense to us but is nevertheless still happening. When things feel out of control, find areas that you have control over: yourself and your choices, and doing nothing is a choice too.
Choosing to let go of the 'why', puts you in a place of empowerment and action instead of being stuck in a place of powerlessness. I invite you to find a way to let go of asking why and decide what you are going to do despite it, if anything at all...
Why ask why? Really, is it that important to know 'why' to move on? Is there really an answer that satisfies us in the end anyways if we are stewing over the 'why' when we are beyond comprehension of what is/has happened? My personal feelings are that circumstances happen, and people sometimes don't have reasons for their behavior, and the only thing we can control in life is our own behavior and subsequently how we choose to respond to those circumstances. As the saying goes "shit happens", so my question isn't "why is this happening?", but "what are you/I going to do about it despite this?" When we get stuck in the 'why' we aren't allowing ourselves to move forward because we are trying to make sense of something that may never make sense to us but is nevertheless still happening. When things feel out of control, find areas that you have control over: yourself and your choices, and doing nothing is a choice too.
Choosing to let go of the 'why', puts you in a place of empowerment and action instead of being stuck in a place of powerlessness. I invite you to find a way to let go of asking why and decide what you are going to do despite it, if anything at all...
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Mirrors
Life is a mirror in every possible way. Our belief systems are mirrored by the results in our lives and our personality traits and truths are mirrored by people in our lives. When we notice someone is funny, generous, or insightful it is because we already hold these traits within ourselves. Conversely, when we notice malice, jealousy, cruelty and the dark pieces of others it is because we too own those qualities. We can't recognize what we don't already have which means what we see in others are the things we already have.
Look externally, seek the beauty in others and consciously be aware that you too hold that same beauty and brilliance simply because you can see it. We spend much of our time seeing whats wrong around us and ourselves that it colours our perception of the world. When we direct our attention to the positives in people, and can see it within ourselves, it creates a very different more friendly reality. Anything we direct our attention on we get more of, so practice being conscious of the greatness in others to cultivate greatness within ourselves.
Look externally, seek the beauty in others and consciously be aware that you too hold that same beauty and brilliance simply because you can see it. We spend much of our time seeing whats wrong around us and ourselves that it colours our perception of the world. When we direct our attention to the positives in people, and can see it within ourselves, it creates a very different more friendly reality. Anything we direct our attention on we get more of, so practice being conscious of the greatness in others to cultivate greatness within ourselves.
Monday, May 12, 2008
choose...
...to improve each day. Take the time to invest in yourself by improving a little each day. It could be something small, like adding more vegetables to your diet, reading more, taking a class, or being more mindful. Making the effort by setting the intention to improve each day will set the course to create a new habit of thinking around that. So over time, improving a little each day will be a part of your everyday life, without even thinking about it.
Imagine the change you could create for yourself and those around you in 3 months if you did something small each day to improve yourself, your life, and those around you?
Imagine the change you could create for yourself and those around you in 3 months if you did something small each day to improve yourself, your life, and those around you?
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Choose...
to be present. Direct attention fully to your tasks, eating, working, cooking, breathing. Absorb your surroundings, see what is around you. Pay attention to the smell of the grass, food cooking, the notice how the keys on your keyboard feel on your fingertips. When with company, give your attention fully to them, hear their words completely before formulating thoughts around what they are saying.
Think of yourself as being the task. If you are running, be running instead of doing running. What would running be, if your mind was right here moment to moment without thinking of the rest of the day? If you are listening, be listening, calm the mind, open your heart as well as your ears. Be here with what or whom you are listening to. If you are working, be working, be focused. Allow work to be fully present, so you can completely release it when work time is over. If you are relaxing, be relaxation, be soft. Notice your breath as it slows and lengthens, nourishing your mind and body as it calms your nervous system creating more relaxation. Let go of yourself doing the task, and be it, which will keep you present and calm.
We often live in the past and the future. We go on autopilot and often wonder how we got from point A to point B, with no recollection of how we got there. How many moments of our lives have been lost to our autopilot, with our thoughts circling in our minds of things that upset us in the past, to do mental lists for later, or stewing over the same things over and over again. When we choose to be right here, right now, we fully experience our life, and those around us. We hear our children tell us about their lives, we smell the fresh cut grass, we let go of resistance because we are present before we judge that something is hard, or that we think something more important requires our attention. More often than not, we choose what we put our attention on without thinking, so how are we to really know what is more important? Not hearing a child express their love because the mind is in the past thinking about a stressful day which is already gone, is an important moment lost and wasted. Choose to be present, which will enable you to live more fully each and every moment.
Think of yourself as being the task. If you are running, be running instead of doing running. What would running be, if your mind was right here moment to moment without thinking of the rest of the day? If you are listening, be listening, calm the mind, open your heart as well as your ears. Be here with what or whom you are listening to. If you are working, be working, be focused. Allow work to be fully present, so you can completely release it when work time is over. If you are relaxing, be relaxation, be soft. Notice your breath as it slows and lengthens, nourishing your mind and body as it calms your nervous system creating more relaxation. Let go of yourself doing the task, and be it, which will keep you present and calm.
We often live in the past and the future. We go on autopilot and often wonder how we got from point A to point B, with no recollection of how we got there. How many moments of our lives have been lost to our autopilot, with our thoughts circling in our minds of things that upset us in the past, to do mental lists for later, or stewing over the same things over and over again. When we choose to be right here, right now, we fully experience our life, and those around us. We hear our children tell us about their lives, we smell the fresh cut grass, we let go of resistance because we are present before we judge that something is hard, or that we think something more important requires our attention. More often than not, we choose what we put our attention on without thinking, so how are we to really know what is more important? Not hearing a child express their love because the mind is in the past thinking about a stressful day which is already gone, is an important moment lost and wasted. Choose to be present, which will enable you to live more fully each and every moment.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
happiness at work
Are you unhappy at work or struggling to get out of bed to get to work? Check out the link to Happiness at Work for 12 simple ways to bring more happiness to your work and into your life.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
daily quote
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
-Max Ehrman
Desiderata
you have a right to be here.
-Max Ehrman
Desiderata
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Stories
Our lives are composed with beliefs that then create the stories of our lives. Yup, our whole life is made up, we create the story that we live by the beliefs that we hold to make that story true. Believe me?
If one has a belief that they are never going to have a successful business because they think for whatever reason they don't deserve it, aren't good enough, whatever the story is, do you think this person can have a successful business? Everything this person does stems from this limiting belief that will feed the story to justify it as true. Even if they want this business to flourish all of their choices are colored by this underlying belief that they are never going to have a successful business and will be unable to make the best choices to make the business successful.
What about a story about a person not being good enough for a raise? Even if they are taking in loads of extra work, proving themselves to be a great employee, they are creating the conditions to not get the raise. Maybe all it would take is for them to ask for it, dispelling the myth of being undeserving to get the raise.
All I'm saying is that all of these stories we create to justify what are our perceived shortcomings or obstacles are, are just that. They are perceived, and they are just stories. So, if our beliefs and stories are all made up anyways, why not be the dragon slayer in yours?
Just a thought...
If one has a belief that they are never going to have a successful business because they think for whatever reason they don't deserve it, aren't good enough, whatever the story is, do you think this person can have a successful business? Everything this person does stems from this limiting belief that will feed the story to justify it as true. Even if they want this business to flourish all of their choices are colored by this underlying belief that they are never going to have a successful business and will be unable to make the best choices to make the business successful.
What about a story about a person not being good enough for a raise? Even if they are taking in loads of extra work, proving themselves to be a great employee, they are creating the conditions to not get the raise. Maybe all it would take is for them to ask for it, dispelling the myth of being undeserving to get the raise.
All I'm saying is that all of these stories we create to justify what are our perceived shortcomings or obstacles are, are just that. They are perceived, and they are just stories. So, if our beliefs and stories are all made up anyways, why not be the dragon slayer in yours?
Just a thought...
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
daily quote
It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
-Alan Cohen
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
daily quote
When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one, and a lily with the other.
-Chinese proverb
Friday, March 21, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
"they"
So, I was listening to the radio while I was driving yesterday and heard an interesting story. A man formerly known as Andrew Wilson, of Ohio, has officially changed his name to "They" after 'they' who are often referred to in speculative comments. 'They' is often said to add credibility to a statement by alluding that 'they' are an authority on the subject. Interesting.
Another interesting phenomenon in language is using 'you' or 'people', when we are actually referring to ourselves. Such as, "you know, when people get upset when they are driving they always...." I'm curious, because no, I don't know, and who really are these people being discussed? It's you, the speaker, but by placing the responsibility of feelings and words on a general nobody, it frees the speaker to be somewhat protected or masked by the anonymity of their language. There is an interesting shift when one takes responsibility for their words and feelings simply by exchanging the words 'you', 'people' and 'they' with 'I'. Try it. It changes the everything.
Being truly authentic requires us to be somewhat vulnerable to criticism, but also compassion, and that is through open, honest communication. Owning our words is an important step, because we can really only speak for ourselves. We can really only speak to what we know and feel, and what we know and feel is valid and valuable, so why not say 'I'?
Using words like 'they' and 'you' are dis empowering because they remove ownership and accountability of our words and feelings. Why not own up to the fact that we have certain beliefs or are unsure of origins of information, or that it may feel true regardless where it came from? I invite you to own your words and say "I" instead of giving all the credit to "They" (formerly known as Andrew Wilson), I mean who is this guy anyways?
Another interesting phenomenon in language is using 'you' or 'people', when we are actually referring to ourselves. Such as, "you know, when people get upset when they are driving they always...." I'm curious, because no, I don't know, and who really are these people being discussed? It's you, the speaker, but by placing the responsibility of feelings and words on a general nobody, it frees the speaker to be somewhat protected or masked by the anonymity of their language. There is an interesting shift when one takes responsibility for their words and feelings simply by exchanging the words 'you', 'people' and 'they' with 'I'. Try it. It changes the everything.
Being truly authentic requires us to be somewhat vulnerable to criticism, but also compassion, and that is through open, honest communication. Owning our words is an important step, because we can really only speak for ourselves. We can really only speak to what we know and feel, and what we know and feel is valid and valuable, so why not say 'I'?
Using words like 'they' and 'you' are dis empowering because they remove ownership and accountability of our words and feelings. Why not own up to the fact that we have certain beliefs or are unsure of origins of information, or that it may feel true regardless where it came from? I invite you to own your words and say "I" instead of giving all the credit to "They" (formerly known as Andrew Wilson), I mean who is this guy anyways?
Monday, March 17, 2008
daily quote
Sunday, March 16, 2008
knowledge
I was walking and talking with a lovely friend of mine after yoga class, and she turned to me and thanked me. She said that she always felt that she learned so much from me when we were together. I smiled and said, what is knowledge worth if it isn't shared?
We all have interests and expertise in different areas of our lives, and we enrich the lives of those around us by sharing what we have learned. We may never know what use our knowledge may bring, but perhaps it may offer insights, tools or more information to make a more informed decision for the recipient.
I was fortunate enough to go to a huge car show yesterday with a "car guy." What a blessing it was for me, a person with limited knowledge of cars, to accompany someone with intimate knowledge of amazing high performance vehicles. I probably couldn't repeat any of the marvels of the vehicles I saw (and sat in!), but I definitely left with a sense of deep appreciation for the technology and engineering that went into making these cars so fantastic. I was fascinated by the passion my friend held for these cars, as he explained how they "burbled and tingled." Coupled with his expansive knowledge, it added so much value and fun to the experience.
I invite you to share your passions and interests with those around you. It reignites our own fires, and lights those around us. Our interests are what make us unique, and sharing them, make them our gifts.
We all have interests and expertise in different areas of our lives, and we enrich the lives of those around us by sharing what we have learned. We may never know what use our knowledge may bring, but perhaps it may offer insights, tools or more information to make a more informed decision for the recipient.
I was fortunate enough to go to a huge car show yesterday with a "car guy." What a blessing it was for me, a person with limited knowledge of cars, to accompany someone with intimate knowledge of amazing high performance vehicles. I probably couldn't repeat any of the marvels of the vehicles I saw (and sat in!), but I definitely left with a sense of deep appreciation for the technology and engineering that went into making these cars so fantastic. I was fascinated by the passion my friend held for these cars, as he explained how they "burbled and tingled." Coupled with his expansive knowledge, it added so much value and fun to the experience.
I invite you to share your passions and interests with those around you. It reignites our own fires, and lights those around us. Our interests are what make us unique, and sharing them, make them our gifts.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
daily quote
Highly developed spirits often encounter resistance from mediocre minds.
- Alber Einstien
Monday, March 10, 2008
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
gift
Yesterday, I had a deeply moving experience. I went to my yoga practice, and really didn't feel like going, at all. I went anyways, because yoga is like apples, we don't always feel like eating them but they are good for us, and we never regret it afterwards. My practice began with a lot of yucky feelings, yet they soon dissipated as I got more involved in my practice.
After class, there was a young woman in the change room, who lately has developed a regular yoga practice. I was sure I had seen her on the street the other day, so I asked her if she lived in the area. She said she did, and it turned out that we lived only a few blocks from each other. I introduced myself and reached out to shake her hand, and she gave me a gift I will be riding on for at least a week! As she introduced herself, she informed me that I was her inspiration, that she admired the way I practice and my diligence of going daily, and that's why she is coming everyday now. I was flabbergasted. How could I have inspired anyone, just by doing something I love?
Isn't that the way inspiration works though? We are inspired by other people when they are passionate and doing what they love. That passion then becomes contagious, and people naturally want what an inspired person has. It's a beautiful thing to see and be a part of.
I felt so moved by this young woman for many reasons, but perhaps the biggest gift for me was that when we do something that we love, we have an obligation to do it, and do it well. We are ripping off the world by not sharing our gifts. Whether its doing a job well, or even as simple as a yoga practice. We never truly know how we impact the people around us, thus, we have a responsibility to do the best of our abilities everyday, and do it with as much grace and beauty as we can.
She may have felt that my inspiration was a gift to her, but because she took the time to share it with me, the gift was mine.
After class, there was a young woman in the change room, who lately has developed a regular yoga practice. I was sure I had seen her on the street the other day, so I asked her if she lived in the area. She said she did, and it turned out that we lived only a few blocks from each other. I introduced myself and reached out to shake her hand, and she gave me a gift I will be riding on for at least a week! As she introduced herself, she informed me that I was her inspiration, that she admired the way I practice and my diligence of going daily, and that's why she is coming everyday now. I was flabbergasted. How could I have inspired anyone, just by doing something I love?
Isn't that the way inspiration works though? We are inspired by other people when they are passionate and doing what they love. That passion then becomes contagious, and people naturally want what an inspired person has. It's a beautiful thing to see and be a part of.
I felt so moved by this young woman for many reasons, but perhaps the biggest gift for me was that when we do something that we love, we have an obligation to do it, and do it well. We are ripping off the world by not sharing our gifts. Whether its doing a job well, or even as simple as a yoga practice. We never truly know how we impact the people around us, thus, we have a responsibility to do the best of our abilities everyday, and do it with as much grace and beauty as we can.
She may have felt that my inspiration was a gift to her, but because she took the time to share it with me, the gift was mine.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Saturday, March 1, 2008
joke to ponder
Now, I've never been a fantastic at telling jokes, but this one has a message that served me today, and it might for you too...
There was a man who lost his job, so he prayed "Please God, please help me I've lost my job and I can't support my family."
No answer.
He was then about to lose his car, and he prayed again "Please God, please help me, I'm about to lose my car and I can't support my family."
Still no answer.
The man was now going to lose his house. Once again he prayed, "Please God, I'm getting really desperate, please help me."
Still no answer.
He was almost now on the street, and he was angry. "Why God? Why have you not answered my prayers, where have you been when I needed you?"
God responded "Will you just buy a lottery ticket already so I can help you?"
Really, how often do we NEED something to happen for us, yet we don't make the opportunity happen for us. Maybe we want another job, or looking for a relationship. People create their own luck, put yourself out there. You want a new job, tell everyone you know, apply for your dream job, create your dream job, it won't just fall into your lap until you seek it out.
The same goes for a relationship, is your future partner going to find you sitting on your couch watching Grey's with your girlfriends eating a tub of ice cream? Not likely. Put yourself out there. Join networking groups, take up a sport, yoga, go out with friends, talk to everyone that you know or don't know.
I like the idea of making it a game. How many resumes can you send out each day? Follow up with each day? How many networking groups can you attend, and how many people can you talk to at each one? Challenge yourself.
Finding a mate. How many new places can you go to? How many new people can you talk to? What kinds of activities have you always wanted to do, soccer, softball, basketball, but haven't? Join a co-ed league, meet-up groups, there are tons of people out there just like you. Where would you want to be found?
There are so many opportunities out there that the universe has created for us, however, opportunities are rendered useless if we don't act on them. Buy the lottery ticket.
There was a man who lost his job, so he prayed "Please God, please help me I've lost my job and I can't support my family."
No answer.
He was then about to lose his car, and he prayed again "Please God, please help me, I'm about to lose my car and I can't support my family."
Still no answer.
The man was now going to lose his house. Once again he prayed, "Please God, I'm getting really desperate, please help me."
Still no answer.
He was almost now on the street, and he was angry. "Why God? Why have you not answered my prayers, where have you been when I needed you?"
God responded "Will you just buy a lottery ticket already so I can help you?"
Really, how often do we NEED something to happen for us, yet we don't make the opportunity happen for us. Maybe we want another job, or looking for a relationship. People create their own luck, put yourself out there. You want a new job, tell everyone you know, apply for your dream job, create your dream job, it won't just fall into your lap until you seek it out.
The same goes for a relationship, is your future partner going to find you sitting on your couch watching Grey's with your girlfriends eating a tub of ice cream? Not likely. Put yourself out there. Join networking groups, take up a sport, yoga, go out with friends, talk to everyone that you know or don't know.
I like the idea of making it a game. How many resumes can you send out each day? Follow up with each day? How many networking groups can you attend, and how many people can you talk to at each one? Challenge yourself.
Finding a mate. How many new places can you go to? How many new people can you talk to? What kinds of activities have you always wanted to do, soccer, softball, basketball, but haven't? Join a co-ed league, meet-up groups, there are tons of people out there just like you. Where would you want to be found?
There are so many opportunities out there that the universe has created for us, however, opportunities are rendered useless if we don't act on them. Buy the lottery ticket.
one of my favorite pieces...
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann c.1920
daily quote
What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?
-George Eliot
Friday, February 29, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
growing kindness
I've spoken in a previous blog about creating a practice of happiness. We can also create a practice of kindness. We can do this simply by extending ourselves to each other. Say the kind things we think but don't say to each other. How often do we have the opportunity to make someone's day, by a kind word, a tight hug, or a shared laugh? Probably more often than we care to admit. Perhaps we are in a hurry, or worried about how we may be received.
Take the time to be kind. Tell someone they are wonderful, help them pick up something fallen, open doors for others. Do a kind act without telling the recipient. Smile at strangers. Kind behaviors create more kindness for others and ourselves. We may never know the extent of how we can impact other's lives positively.
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
I think Philo has got it right. Each of us have our challenges, so why not support each other by bringing some lightness and sunshine to each other's lives? The beautiful part is that it will come back to us. What can you do today to grow more kindness?
Take the time to be kind. Tell someone they are wonderful, help them pick up something fallen, open doors for others. Do a kind act without telling the recipient. Smile at strangers. Kind behaviors create more kindness for others and ourselves. We may never know the extent of how we can impact other's lives positively.
-Philo
I think Philo has got it right. Each of us have our challenges, so why not support each other by bringing some lightness and sunshine to each other's lives? The beautiful part is that it will come back to us. What can you do today to grow more kindness?
Saturday, February 16, 2008
daily quote
To achieve the impossible; it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought.
-Tom Robbins
-Tom Robbins
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
ouch!
Yesterday was an entirely new experience to me which has taught me many valuable lessons. The history of yesterday began last week, when I met with a real estate manager about doing a workshop for his agents (for free, I might add). I am not an experienced presenter, but I am keen to learn and am willing to try anything. I spent 3 days writing the workshop and 2 days practicing in front of friends and mirror to prepare.
Here's what happened:
-the manager didn't notify his staff I was coming = they saw me as an annoyance they had to endure for an entire hour
- a group of women talked amongst themselves while I was presenting = my confidence wavered
- this group also took calls, texts, ringer on, while I was presenting = my confidence sinking, feelings injured
- I was inexperienced, especially with hostility = I didn't have tools to regain control over the situation
- I was ill prepared = me more nervous and lost confidence
- lost confidence = wasn't convincing because I wasn't convinced either
- offering feedback forms = their opportunity to express just how much they hated me and the presentation
For example: What would you like to see less of?
Response: talking, by you
(ouch!)
Example: Any other comments?
Response: You should dress professionally in a suit and pantyhose
(In my defense here, I was wearing a conservative, yet very chic dress and pumps. Who wears pantyhose and how is that relevant to the information I provided???)
And the feedback forms went on, 20 of them, almost all expressing their utterly deep resentment and loathing towards me and the workshop.
I'm going to be totally honest here, I have never been in a room of people that were so unwilling to participate or felt so negatively towards me. The revulsion they expressed was like I was a disfigured pedophile standing before them to judge and point at and was personally responsible for wrecking their life and everything in it.
It was horrible.
However, I shakily made it through the hour without peeing myself, and tried to remain as gracious as possible to thank them for coming (why, I'm not sure now). It was easily the worst experience of my life (at least it felt like it at the time).
So, what did I learn?
1. Participants need to be notified that I am coming
2. Give myself more time to prepare
3. Call out the white elephant in the room and regain control, by asking who even wants to be there, acknowledge that I am a young woman and ask them what result they want at the end of the hour anyways
4. Use more visuals
5. NEVER where pantyhose!
6. Burn mean feedback forms
It took me a lot of courage to present in front of a group, and a very vulnerable and exposed place to put myself in. It also totally blew up in my face, and at the time did not know if I would recover or ever do it again. However what I learned was this: what worked, what didn't and how to improve upon it; that the next one can't possibly be any worse, so the next one will be infinitely better; and how to use feedback forms as kindling. They died in a fire.
Here's what happened:
-the manager didn't notify his staff I was coming = they saw me as an annoyance they had to endure for an entire hour
- a group of women talked amongst themselves while I was presenting = my confidence wavered
- this group also took calls, texts, ringer on, while I was presenting = my confidence sinking, feelings injured
- I was inexperienced, especially with hostility = I didn't have tools to regain control over the situation
- I was ill prepared = me more nervous and lost confidence
- lost confidence = wasn't convincing because I wasn't convinced either
- offering feedback forms = their opportunity to express just how much they hated me and the presentation
For example: What would you like to see less of?
Response: talking, by you
(ouch!)
Example: Any other comments?
Response: You should dress professionally in a suit and pantyhose
(In my defense here, I was wearing a conservative, yet very chic dress and pumps. Who wears pantyhose and how is that relevant to the information I provided???)
And the feedback forms went on, 20 of them, almost all expressing their utterly deep resentment and loathing towards me and the workshop.
I'm going to be totally honest here, I have never been in a room of people that were so unwilling to participate or felt so negatively towards me. The revulsion they expressed was like I was a disfigured pedophile standing before them to judge and point at and was personally responsible for wrecking their life and everything in it.
It was horrible.
However, I shakily made it through the hour without peeing myself, and tried to remain as gracious as possible to thank them for coming (why, I'm not sure now). It was easily the worst experience of my life (at least it felt like it at the time).
So, what did I learn?
1. Participants need to be notified that I am coming
2. Give myself more time to prepare
3. Call out the white elephant in the room and regain control, by asking who even wants to be there, acknowledge that I am a young woman and ask them what result they want at the end of the hour anyways
4. Use more visuals
5. NEVER where pantyhose!
6. Burn mean feedback forms
It took me a lot of courage to present in front of a group, and a very vulnerable and exposed place to put myself in. It also totally blew up in my face, and at the time did not know if I would recover or ever do it again. However what I learned was this: what worked, what didn't and how to improve upon it; that the next one can't possibly be any worse, so the next one will be infinitely better; and how to use feedback forms as kindling. They died in a fire.
daily quote
Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
-Winston Churchill
Friday, February 8, 2008
reality
How many times have I been told, "that's reality Tina, deal with it," I don't even know. And always it pisses me off. Reality is what I take from it. We all see the world through different eyes. Fifty people could witness the same event and every single one of them would have a slightly coloured view of what happened, because our own history plays a role in what we see and believe to be possible.
If we feel stuck in life, we are stuck, because we are believing it to be true and that gives it power. To be stuck, we need to be doing the same things, the same way to achieve the same result. If we even allow ourselves the possibility that we may be capable of being unstuck one day, that loosens it's grip over us. We could even go so far as to imagine a life outside of being stuck, doing something we love, creating relationships we love, a life filled with love. What it takes to get unstuck, is to take a step. One step, and then one more...
If we feel stuck in life, we are stuck, because we are believing it to be true and that gives it power. To be stuck, we need to be doing the same things, the same way to achieve the same result. If we even allow ourselves the possibility that we may be capable of being unstuck one day, that loosens it's grip over us. We could even go so far as to imagine a life outside of being stuck, doing something we love, creating relationships we love, a life filled with love. What it takes to get unstuck, is to take a step. One step, and then one more...
Thursday, February 7, 2008
daily quote
If you believe in peace, act peacefully; if you believe in love, acting lovingly; if you believe every which way, then act every which way, that's perfectly valid— but don't go out trying to sell your beliefs to the system. You end up contradicting what you profess to believe in, and you set a bum example. If you want to change the world, change yourself.
Still Life With Woodpecker
-Tom Robbins
Still Life With Woodpecker
-Tom Robbins
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
comfort within discomfort
I often invite clients to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Staying comfortable often translates to being stuck. We know the predictability of it, but predictability is monotonous and doesn't offer much else. To really grow and change means doing something different, and that can be scary and uncomfortable. The real test is to be uncomfortable with it and do it anyways.
why wouldn't I?
What is your response to new ideas, activities, or ways of doing something? Many of us have an automatic response of "no, why would I?" I'm curious why that response is. Is it fear of trying something new that it may not meet our needs, loss of control over ourselves or situation, or perhaps we worry about being wrong with what we are already doing/thinking. However, none of the those beliefs are any more real than the power we give them.
My friends often joke with me because my first response is always "why wouldn't I?" followed by, "lets make it happen!" It's automatic for me, it wasn't always, but it is now and my life is richer for it. It has opened the doors for me to meeting new people, having new experiences, and learning how to do things differently if not better than I was before.
Saying "yes" to the unfamiliar takes courage, it's not always comfortable to try something new, or give up control. However, imagine what amazing possibilities lie outside of our own comfort zone. There's nothing new in our own head, what is new, is all outside of it.
As a gentle challenge, I invite you to for just one day say "yes, why wouldn't I!" to everything (that cannot harm you or anyone else), just as an experiment to see what might happen. It may feel uncomfortable, you may not immediately see the use in it, but I am confident that if nothing else, you will learn something new and become more fearless in the future!
My friends often joke with me because my first response is always "why wouldn't I?" followed by, "lets make it happen!" It's automatic for me, it wasn't always, but it is now and my life is richer for it. It has opened the doors for me to meeting new people, having new experiences, and learning how to do things differently if not better than I was before.
Saying "yes" to the unfamiliar takes courage, it's not always comfortable to try something new, or give up control. However, imagine what amazing possibilities lie outside of our own comfort zone. There's nothing new in our own head, what is new, is all outside of it.
As a gentle challenge, I invite you to for just one day say "yes, why wouldn't I!" to everything (that cannot harm you or anyone else), just as an experiment to see what might happen. It may feel uncomfortable, you may not immediately see the use in it, but I am confident that if nothing else, you will learn something new and become more fearless in the future!
daily quote
You see things; and you say, "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?"
-George Bernard Shaw
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
daily quote
The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.
-Michelangelo
Monday, February 4, 2008
musings
So, lately I've been going through a bit of a slump. Starting a business is challenging, and I have been struggling to keep myself motivated to push through the parts of it that I am not loving, but still need to get done. In fact, I kind of, I'm embarrassed to say, just stopped doing the things I didn't like, and then beat myself up over it. I know, both very useful behaviors.
I'm excited to say, I woke up this morning full of vigor and renewed inspiration to complete the tasks I have committed to do but would rather not. I'll tell you what changed and why.
Instead of stressing about the things I didn't want to do (yet not doing them either), I took a good look at why I wanted to do them in the first place and what was I getting out of not doing it. My intention for completing the tasks was to grow my business. So what was I getting out of not doing it? Not failing at growing my business.
How does that work? By working at 50%, instead of at 100% and risking being vulnerable to failure, I could comfortably say that I was trying, but not fully putting forth the effort I need to succeed. I realized that if I kept up with those behaviors, I was going to keep feeling bad about myself, and my business would not grow into vision I want it to be. My business is more important to me than feeling bad, so I have taken steps to modify my behavior and get back on track.
If you are struggling with staying on track with your own goals, I invite you to ask yourself
a) why was it important to you to reach that goal?
b) what are you getting out of not doing it?
c) what are you going to do differently now to set you up for success?
It will offer you some insights to why you have engaged in sabotaging behavior, and give you a renewed sense of commitment to your goals.
To your success!
I'm excited to say, I woke up this morning full of vigor and renewed inspiration to complete the tasks I have committed to do but would rather not. I'll tell you what changed and why.
Instead of stressing about the things I didn't want to do (yet not doing them either), I took a good look at why I wanted to do them in the first place and what was I getting out of not doing it. My intention for completing the tasks was to grow my business. So what was I getting out of not doing it? Not failing at growing my business.
How does that work? By working at 50%, instead of at 100% and risking being vulnerable to failure, I could comfortably say that I was trying, but not fully putting forth the effort I need to succeed. I realized that if I kept up with those behaviors, I was going to keep feeling bad about myself, and my business would not grow into vision I want it to be. My business is more important to me than feeling bad, so I have taken steps to modify my behavior and get back on track.
If you are struggling with staying on track with your own goals, I invite you to ask yourself
a) why was it important to you to reach that goal?
b) what are you getting out of not doing it?
c) what are you going to do differently now to set you up for success?
It will offer you some insights to why you have engaged in sabotaging behavior, and give you a renewed sense of commitment to your goals.
To your success!
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Friday, February 1, 2008
daily quote
Just because everything is different doesn't mean that everything has changed.
-Irene PeterThursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
daily quote
It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.
-Franklin D. Roosevelt
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
happiness as a daily practice
I read an interesting article recently called Simple Secrets of How to be Happy on Dr. Mercola's website. What I identified with was that happiness is not dependent on who you are or what you have, but by what you think. We all have the capability of being happy by the thoughts and attitudes we choose. Simply put, happiness is a choice.
That said, choices aren't always easy when we are faced with day to day frustrations and challenges. We could apply that choice to be happy and take it a step further to be called a practice to ease that choice, because it would naturally become a habit. Practices involve doing something repeatedly to perhaps acquire a skill, make habit of, or to carry out in action. I like the idea of practicing to be happy because it is ongoing learning that becomes a habit and if we have an off moment or day, we can always begin again, no harm done. However, the long term effects of practicing happiness are far reaching because our futures are dependent on the thoughts we have today.
Creating new habits requires mindfulness of our thoughts and behaviors to stay on track. It may even be useful to create a plan to lay the foundation down and set you up for success. I invite you to imagine what might be some of the best ways to remain aware of your own thoughts so that you can build a strong practice of choosing happiness?
Each day is a journey in itself, bursting with its gifts and its challenges for us to face. Choosing to be mindful and happy is easy when life runs smoothly, how might you decide happiness regardless of circumstance? Challenges are opportunities in disguise, they push us beyond our comfort zone and to our limits, creating change.
This is the list of principles to be happy included in the article. I think suggestions are always a good place to start, so read away and plant the seed to your ongoing happiness!
That said, choices aren't always easy when we are faced with day to day frustrations and challenges. We could apply that choice to be happy and take it a step further to be called a practice to ease that choice, because it would naturally become a habit. Practices involve doing something repeatedly to perhaps acquire a skill, make habit of, or to carry out in action. I like the idea of practicing to be happy because it is ongoing learning that becomes a habit and if we have an off moment or day, we can always begin again, no harm done. However, the long term effects of practicing happiness are far reaching because our futures are dependent on the thoughts we have today.
Creating new habits requires mindfulness of our thoughts and behaviors to stay on track. It may even be useful to create a plan to lay the foundation down and set you up for success. I invite you to imagine what might be some of the best ways to remain aware of your own thoughts so that you can build a strong practice of choosing happiness?
Each day is a journey in itself, bursting with its gifts and its challenges for us to face. Choosing to be mindful and happy is easy when life runs smoothly, how might you decide happiness regardless of circumstance? Challenges are opportunities in disguise, they push us beyond our comfort zone and to our limits, creating change.
This is the list of principles to be happy included in the article. I think suggestions are always a good place to start, so read away and plant the seed to your ongoing happiness!
1) Improve your relationships with friends and family – Happiness starts at home. Start by improving your relationship with your parents, brothers, sisters, and children. Smile when you greet them, do things for them, don't allow them to get angry with you. Maintaining healthy loving relationships and friendships can promote happiness. Remember that love makes you beautiful.
2) Be an optimist - Optimism generates good feelings.
3) Develop a genuine smile and laugh a lot - Act happy - It works. Smile into the mirror for a half hour without stopping. Smiling makes you happy and the more you smile the more happy you become. We all like people who smile. It also makes us more attractive.
4) Pray - Become religious or spiritual - This only works if you believe in God. If you want to be happy then ask God to make you happy. Prayer helps you accomplish things.
5) Be generous and share with others - Give more than you receive because being generous will make you happy.
6) Treat time as a friend - Don't watch the clock.
7) Exercise your mind - Keep yourself busy with some new project or ideas.
8) Work your body - Exercise regularly. Studies show that aerobic exercise is an antidote for mild depression and anxiety. "Happy minds reside in sound bodies," says Dr. Myers.
9) Have fun in life - Keep cool under pressure.
10) Pursue achievable goals.
11) Have high confidence in yourself.
12) Respect the disadvantaged.
13) Age gracefully.
14) Give compliments - Take every opportunity to be complimentary. Want to make someone like you? Every time you meet a person smile and give them a compliment.
15) Be honest - With honesty comes openness. People respect honest and open minded people.
16) Keep an open mind - Most people seem to think that they know everything that they need to know. There's plenty of wisdom to go around.
17) Treat difficulties as challenges –Life's an adventure and every obstacle in life is one of its challenges. Treat life as a game. What fun would a game be if you could never lose?
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